so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
