So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize