College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
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That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
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I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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