I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
