Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
