i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
