So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
