Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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