is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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