probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
