Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
