your room smells of hookers.
And success
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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