Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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