we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
