Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
