just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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