lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
