i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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