alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
