Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
