Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
where are my eyebrows?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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