I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
ttyl tear gas
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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