i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
