Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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