take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
