You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
