don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
