I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
