how can u be prego again
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
