singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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