true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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