Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
