just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
