I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
