You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
honey bunches of taint.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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