My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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