All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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