tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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