worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
