I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
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If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
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We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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