I accidentally burped into my bong.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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