I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
