No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
