I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
