I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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