You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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