Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
