Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
