I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Who died my cat blue again?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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