He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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