Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
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Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
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So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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