pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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