i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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