You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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