i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
