you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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