I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize