So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
