halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize