who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I think i got beer on your cat.
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